I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
