I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
