we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
