This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
