I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
