the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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