At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
