She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
