There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The beer is more important than you right now.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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