so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
