We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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