My room smells like vodka and shame
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
