The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
