I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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