I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I need help removing her.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize