Kiss
Puke
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
