you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
