She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize