I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
