I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize