i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
babies were throwing up all over the place
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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