I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
