I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
