Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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