Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
