I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
