so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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