Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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