No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
