I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
