i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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