how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize