we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize