Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
