shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i dont even know how to be here
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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