she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
