I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
