He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Life is so much better after having sex.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
