I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
