Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I believe in your delicious
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
