Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
