Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
