I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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