trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
