Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
