my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
