there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
