My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
