he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
