Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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