Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
