Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
