just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
