it wasn't lemon gatorade
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
