U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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