after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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