Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
