Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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