he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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