just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
