I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
