cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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