I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
