I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
