Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
