Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
