You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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