I don't remember. Are we still dating?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
