He called his prostate his "boner button".
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
