I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
