I wannas sexs uuuuu
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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