You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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