how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
