There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
