With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
