mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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