i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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