i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
