fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
