we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
vagina is talking i cant
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
