someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
