omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
