Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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