My underwear smells like fireworks.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Drunk is not a location!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
