She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
